Time really flies. School has started for a few weeks already. And I havn't done any concrete studying much less mugging. This sem I am in classes with people that I don't know but of course now I know them. Everyone thinks I am damn hardworking and has gpa 4.99. Haha... Jokes... My tutorials are like half past six. 5 questions I do 2 only kind. I never even put in 50% of my energy into it. No longer were my tutorial answers standard answers like as though if the exam asked the same questions it will be exactly answered in the way my tutorial were. Now my tutorials are like in point form and no structuring. That explains why I dropped out of dean's list and slowly became a borderline 2nd upper class.

Being in the final year is stressed not because of the lessons and studies but because everyone starts to be concerned about the future and their career. Going for networking and recruitment talks. Suddenly, I feel I have aged. I am grown up. I will be entering the workforce soon. And I realized, I am specializing in a course that is really hard to get a good job. I realized we are in a rat race. Doing things for the sake of doing. Because everyone is doing it so if I don't have the same thing on my resume, the resume lacklustre. People started planning and building their resume since year 1 and year 2, but I chose to rot away thinking that I wouldn't want to be involved in this kind of rat race. Thinking that I have the leadership skills, and what not. But the truth is the society wants evidence, they want experienced personnels. You can believe in yourself, you can have the potential and you can really have those skills but people just wouldn't believe unless you have something to prove your worth.

Of course those who were under my leadership before will disagree that I have what it takes to be a leader cos I can get very domineering at times, and at times incompetent. SO? Haha... I know very well why I don't want to do certain things and I persist in certain things as a leader. I am not shirking responsibilities, but a leader do not do everything and a leader need not be the best amongst the group. A leader is a good judger and a good dedicator. For instance when I feel that a particular team member is good at this, I hand over the baton to him/her. Thats the spirit. We work as a team. I don't want to be a leader who put leashes on my team members like as though they were dogs under my command, pulling them along the road only to find that the they are choking and suffocating. At times, I am indecisive not because I do not have a view but because I want to hear from each and everyone in the team. I want to involve everyone in the decision making process. However, I am domineering when I don't buy your idea because you must convince me why you choose this right? I realised from my experience as a leader from work last time with CPF Board (yes i get paid extra to lead a team of 4 customer service officer. Haha... But I worked for two weeks only), and in school. Its really different. At work, people are more professional and they appreciate a decentralized form of leadership because it makes them feel important. In school, people seem to prefer a centralized form of leadership. I wonder why. Will they carry this kind of work ethics and attitude to their future careers next time? Then again, I seldom emerge as a team leader in baf projects while I always lead accounting groups. It makes many wonder why I am not main sepcializing in accountancy.

Haha... Edwin asked me so many times before and I couldn't answer him. Haha... I love studying accounting subjects, and I must admit i dun enjoy working in accounting field. But it runs in my family's blood. I grew up in an accounting family. My sis, my cousins are all auditors and accountants. Hahaha... So yeah. Hardly anyone in the family is in a different profession. Will I end up in the accounting field as well or will I break the tradition? Hmmmmzzz... Although, I demonstrated great potential during my internship and the SCS people has been persuading me to join them after graduation, I am hesitant about it. Because I don't like accounting jobs. Maybe because I can do them well and it becomes not challenging. I don't want to waste my prime years doing unchallenging stuff like data entry. The only motivator that I can think of to join SCS finance team would be the work environment because its really a nice and relaxed place to work in. Welll... Don't know. To quote Mr A (he says that apparently banks google their applicant's names, so I cannot mention his name on my blog) "Life's is hard!!!"

I am getting on with age and many people have entered the phase when they consider marriage with their partners. Suddenly, I feel like although I am of the same age as them, I am still walking on the same spot while others have advanced to another phase of life. I yearn for a lifetime partner but its not say I want den I faster go and find one gf. People always asks me why don't you go and find a gf? Can you don't set too high standards? Just accept. The point is how do I FIND? Its love we are talking about. We need the sparks. I don't have high standards. I don't need a pretty gf. I need someone whom I have sparks with and someone who thinks and have similar mindset as me. Ya... So I don't know how to find a gf because to find is like just to have a gf for the sake of having a gf because you need a gf. Right? Thats why I always tell Mr A, don't go and chase a ger just cos you need a relationship. You chase and be nice to the ger because you want her to be your gf. But in the end, its just for the sake of having a gf. Soon, you grow tired of being nice and you complain and whin why am I alwaes giving? The reason is you don't even love her when you set out to chase her? You just needed her as your gf. When you love someone you won't feel tired of giving. And when there is mutual love, there is mutual giving and taking. Hence, until now its complicated. Haha... Well, when will fate come? Guess next time I will go speed dating like how Linda goes for it. She told me that it last you for a good deal of time because you get to know alot of people. Haha... Not that in school you don't meet alot of people but the fact is 89% of the people you meet are attached. Of the remaining 11% singles, there just aren't sparks and it is just so crystal clear that its impossible. Hur hur... hahahaa... The difference with knowing the many people on speedates is all are single and the organizer will match your attributes to others for the sessions. So people you meet there are pretty close to your league. haha... Yeah... Heard of Linda's speed dating stories. Like so fun. hahaha...

Alright pretty long entry. I think nobody could have made it to this point. Hahahaa... Alright... Koda Kumi - Moon Crying MV Its quite a nice song. =]