Exams are coming... Previous plans of studying for research methods and AA202 was ruined as I realised there is a taxation quiz 2 on sat!! So I have been busy mugging for tax. "-_- Hope I can maintain my 70 plus marks like for quiz 1. But the topics this time round are harder.

I am stressed particularly for AA202 because I hvn't done any readings, any tutorials for the whole of the semester and I failed my mid sem quiz. How sad... I hope it will not be my first B-. Prays...

I have been buying alot of things for myself in an attempt to make myself happy and hence relived from stress. I bought a watch on Tuesday when I went to cut hair with Junyuan in BUgis. Haha.. Its only 20bucks... I bought a pair of iron dumbbells weighing 12kg each side yesterday. =] Its adjustable. I can now buy additional weights to add on if I feel that its getting too light for me. Haha... =] So pleased. I bought a Sony in-ear earphones today because mine died on Saturday. Somehow I am not used to it still, it seems smaller than the one I used to have. But nevertheless, it is sleek and nice in cool black colour. Haha... I want to buy clothes... okie sound like a girl but ya.. I want to buy clothes... I saw this shirt on YesStyle.com. Its damn nice... BUt its also quite ex... US$48.

Tml is the board meeting for AA202. I tink I will just sit down there and stone for the whole meeting cos there are no questions to be asked. "-_-

I just remembered that the day I was very sad after not getting phase 2, there were many frens who came to comfort me. So pleased. =] Somehow, I feel very glad that everytime I put something on my personal message someone reads it and respond to it. Thanks to Clara, Guiying... and many many more people who bothered to make me feel better that day. =] And of course Abner who keeps asking me not to complain... "-_-

Oh I so miss singing in the KTV, in the ARK. I so look forward to the end of the exams. I wanna sing sing sing song... Anyone else wanna join me?? Haha...

The first part of today was very gloomy as I was stressed and frustrated with my PA, and the research methods final presentation.

Firstly, the PA was worrying. I didn't get phase 1, I didn't get phase 2. I was devastated!! I was angry! I felt unjust! PA selection shouldn't be on a random basis. How can you allocate a job based on random selection? So I felt unjust. I was devastated because I felt that I didn't deserved to be a student who couldn't clinch any PA during phase 1 and phase 2. Phase 1 didn't get, so be it. Phase 2 didn't get. Is like really... I cannot swallow my pride. Seriously. I believe in myself and my capabilities. I don't only have good grades, I do have other skills which I am confident will be suitable for the jobs I applied in Phase 2. Although, there were people who were out there who looked down and put me down by saying that I am lousy, I must say these people don't know much about me. I am confident about the skills set and knowledge I have as a BAF student, its just that I don't display it out and I am not in any of the competitive mode to show that I can reach a level of competency that is on par with these pro people who looked down on me. I am not trying to be hao lian. But I just feel that I am not the worst and I am not as bad as what people think I am. So... I felt very upset when I couldn't get my PA even in phase 2. It just a confirming evidence bias for these people who looked down on me to further their projection of my competencies and capbilities as the lowest in their scale. The bottomline is these people sucks and NTU CAO sucks big time. Full stop.

So I had to resort to Phase 3. And Phase 3 sucks as much as phase 2. It is first come first serve basis and within a span of less than 1 min, all positions were gone. How lucky can BAF students get? Luckily, Abner reminded me that I am able to change my specialization for my PA. So I changed my specialization to accountancy and I found alot of positions. One of which is an executive assistant in the corporate finance department of Singapore Computer System Limited. So I applied for it. Of course to the very pro people, they may be laughing at me again as I was not admitted to any big banks for PA. Oh whatever... I will never fall... I will prove to these people I am capable and competent. Its a motivation to work hard for my exams. I will excel in studies and I will excel in the future. End of the PA saga.

Research methods final presentation came. I was half prepared. My presentation style dipped. I failed to maintain rapport and eye contact with the audience 40% of the time which is bad. Because during AB214 lesson, I maintain 95% eye contact and rapport with the audience and I got a really good grade of 5/6 for my group presentation task. So today's presentation was quite bad according to my own presentation standards. Nevertheless, our project was so comprehensive and we had put in so so so much effort in making it work, we were awarded a A+ for our presentation. I am very happy about that. Our efforts paid off. But as a leader of the team, I have learnt alot about leading a team and I know that I need to sharpen my leadership skills as I recognise that I cannot lead well in many aspects. So I know I need to improve much on my leadership skills, especially essential soft skills and emotions management. Haha... Lastly, I would like to thank my team members Jiahui, Mindy, Lee Peng and Sze Teng for the support, help and effort that was offered to me during the course of executing the project and accepting my domineering views and instructions. They really "carry on... and make it work..." for me. Haha... My team will know the significance of the phrase which I always use during meetings. Haha...

Busy busy... Lagging behind... "-_- Haiz... All cos of the stupid research methods project. I am currently in no mood to do anything... So sad. Cos I woke up at 530am and I am getting tired. Sch sucks... Hahaa...

I am quite depressed that I am growing skinny due to the lack of exercises. Haiz... I am one weird person who will grow skinny if I don't exercise. Oh well... So sad... All my clothes become so loose. Returning back to square one. I hate it man... "-_-

Life... just gets tougher... overcome the challenges and you will enter the next stage. =] Haha... I am so looking forward to ending of exams. Haha... Guiying says she will accompany me to ktv... Hahaha... If not she bish me... hahaha... Hopefully, the ktv outing will materialize, cos most of the time I try to get my friends to go, it somehow will not materialize. Haha...

I am waiting for my research methods tutorial to start now. Yawnz... Next week at this time, I will be doing the final presentation for our sucky research project.

I went for RHB bank interview. There were four interviewees. All looked so pro... But I had a very enjoyable conversation with the interviewer. Hahaha... It wasn't a wee bit like an interview. She was like telling me about the bank and the job scope. Haha... Never ask difficult and unanswerable questions. Dunno if its good or bad. Oh well... I dunno if I will get the internship. But now that I saw the office I feel abit not enthu about working there as an intern. Hahaha... It was pretty run down. "-_-

okie lesson starts liaoz.... =] gtg...

Everyday just pass by like that... Oh man... Exams are coming soon. I hvn't done a wee bit of revision and I certainly don't feel like it. Haiz... Troubled with so many projects... Life sucks... Hahaha...

Stress, acne break out, lack of sleep, feeling tired everyday... OMG!!! Hahaha... Symptoms of depression. Haha...

I am seriously not in the mood to do anything... =[ Time's running out!!! So i spent 30 minutes planning my study timetable. Hope I stick to it.

Meanwhile, time to sleep... =]

I have been busy this whole week doing nuts... Haha... I can't even remember what I was busy doing this whole week. But yes... I am finally free to blog. Its like midnight and I am staying up to blog because if I don't blog now I foresee that I won't have time to blog any time sooner. Haha...

Yes all this neverending work have left me with no time to go gym or swimming. How sad. I am getting skinnier like last time again. Oh man... =[ But oh well... after exams there is like a week or so... I can just spend that time to like exercise to my hearts content before the Professional Attachment begins.

Today, I met the rest at Clementi for research methods meeting. We were trying to do a critque on a stupid experiment in which we have no idea what they are trying to find out. Oh well... its only 5%. I couldn't be bothered... I am just gonna anyhow type some shit and hand in. Sometimes, in a relaxed mode like that you could somehow write stuff that are coherent and excellent. Mainly because you are fresh and thinking in the right frame of mind instead of being stressed and appear to be thinking but in fact are not really thinking properly. Haha..

After the meeting, I met my sis to go shooping for formal wear. I bought a full suit from Zara and a white shirt. I must say somehow, I can only fit Zara clothes well and the service just rocks. It was excellent, fantastic, marvellous!!!

We went Roaul and the shirts are just not fitting and the service sucked big time. I said I want slim fit... Why she take like tapered fit? Bad listening skills = bad customer service. And she was really very rude... She looked at me and made funny faces when I said I wanted to try their shirts, saying oh you can't fit any of our straight fit shirt. Like does she don't understand english? Of course I know my slim and skinny body can't fit straight cuts!! I know my limits. I am not the usual men who can wear straight cut and look good. I need slim fit. And yes they have slim fit. But she just didn't want to get it for me like as though she is adamant in chasing me out of the shop just because I am skinny and I won't look good in any of their shirts. Fuck man... Really.

This is just why I say some girls when they see skinny guys they just will hate them, depise them and are completely disgusted and turned off like in the case of some guys who will be disgusted when they see fat girls (meincluded int he some guys category). Its the same. So.. Next time I see fat girls I am not going to be disgusted. They probably just can't slim down like I can't grow bigger and become a normal looking men.

Oh well... thats all for today.. Back to my work... This is how busy I am... at 2am plus I am not sleeping but slogging... Why is the life of a university student so busy?

I skipped taxation today to come home early to study for aa202 quiz. In the end I fell asleep. Hahaha... Lame shit... I wasted the same amount of time at home as opposed to going for lessons. Haha... Oh well... I am apprently GG le!!

I still don't understand the concept of EVA... Any finance gurus please educate me!! No matter how much I read about it I just can't grasp the gist of the concept. OH MAN!!!

I hope my luck tml is fantastic, marvellous, excellent and extremely GGOOOOODDD. I am going to practice my superb tikam skills for tml's quiz. I tried to study but there are just like countless concepts that is never taught, never explained and never gonna be understood by plain reading. So I gave up. Haiz...

Alright... time to sleep man... =] Goodie luck to me tml...

I am sick of my books! seriously... I got tons of work to do but I just need time to unwind. So here I am blogging to vent my agony and frustrations.

Yesterday was the "OH SO BLOODY DIFFICULT MODULE" AA203 Principle of taxation mid-term quiz. I considered myself as being studied super bloody hard for the quiz because I wanted to prove that it is not difficult to me and stop people from commenting "OMG YOU TAKING TAXATION??? ITS VERY TOUGH!" I just wanted to break the norm and be able to reply "nah, its quite simple." But oh well... I finally get the reason why its the "OH SO BLOODY DIFFICULT" module to everyone else. The module is not just about knowing your stuff but is about knowing what the questions meant. The questions are extremely misleading, even if you knew your stuff well, it doesn't mean you will score well. The language used in the questions are made to mislead you unless you have a keen eye for details. I had a keen eye for some questions for failed in other questions. Haha... Oh well... Nvm... Try harder or quiz 2 which is coming real soon.

The weather yesterday was freaking GOOODDD!!! It was warm and sunny. I went for a swim after I reached home from the quiz. I tried studying for my 202 quiz but failed badly. I didn't know whats there to study. Haha... The course is very unstructured and there isn't really a syllabus per se. Its just stuff from here and there. The readings are difficult to understand. I don't know how I am going to sit for the quiz and the exam like that man. "-_-

Today was tutition. I witnessed a family brawl again. OMG!! Its pretty scary. After tuition, I came back home to mug for 202 and discovered the readings are like not really relevant to what is discussed in class. Many things discussed in class are not in the readings and many things not discussed in class are in the readings. Oh man. Which one do I follow? class discussion or readings? and apparently after doing the readings, I found out that some of the points the prof said are WRONG!! Omg! I am so lost in the world of 202.

Its raining big time today... I realised I haven't gone to the gym for ages... I seemed to have lost weight. All my clothes seems looser suddenly. sianz... "-_- My tan is gone too... I look so white now. Haha... Oh well... the trade off for choosing good grades over exercising is the lost of a healthy look. Haha... And its fucking humid and warm although its perpetually raining these days. Sweating all over, feeling all uneasy and uncomfortable. Destroy my mood to study man. Haha...

Stress is creeping up my neck these days. I am growing crankier and suffering an increasingly serious nervous breakdown day by day. My EQ is dropping at a tremendously high speed. This is evident from how I comminicate with my project group members.

1. Research Methods email : I sort of reprimanded everyone in the team for not responding to my request to validate the survey I constructed. Oh man... Its not that I didn't know that everyone were weighed down by hell lots of work and I demanded for research methods to be the top priority. I just couldn't phrase the email in the right way and it definitely came across as reprimanding people. What I intended to say was for them to just spend a couple of minutes to perhaps 1 hour time to go through the survey and tell me whats bad about it so that we could improve it and avoid any chance of sending them all out and to find out at the end of the day, the respondents didn't even understood the questions and they did the questions any-o-how. I don't know... as in 1 hour time to evaluate something out of the time you have to do other more important stuff is reasonable to me. But somehow, I empahsized the negative more than the positive and it came across as me reprimanding my team members as irresponsible. OMG!!!! I honestly didn't mean that you all were irresponsible, as we went through the proposal stage which everyone worked equally hard and exercise more than what each of us were responsible for. Oh man... I am so baddd...

2. AB214 DasTell call centre case study: We were all in teams of four to discuss about the case and do a presentation based on the task given. The task was to persuade a group of audience into buying your idea of proposing a specific e-learning course for the agents of the call centre. So one team member said that he feels that we should just generally state the attributes of a e-learning programme and say that we will like create the online or electronic software in house, i.e. by the company itself. And I don't know what medicine I eat today that I went to like say in a very derogative way: " the task says a specific e-learning programme. I think we should find a specific one and compare to various others and tell the audience we chose this because it fits the organisation well and address the issues of the case. To say that we design our own software, it doesn't make sense. In the first place, in your organisation, there are no people with knowledge to like impart the correct skills to the agents thats why they get complains and this calls for a change in training programmes. Hence, I don't see your point in asking your own people to design a training software when they don't even have the knowlegde." OMG!!! trust me to rebute my own team mate like as though I am in a debate and it definitely sounded hostile and suggestive that he is not making sense. OMG!!! Where is my EQ!!! Subsequently, the same person suggested some other very off stuffs and another team member obviously had the smae view point that he was full of crap that doesn't help at all. But in the end, the wrong medicine was acting up on me again and I put off his crap AGAIN in a derogative fashion. And the other team member was like ya I was thinking of that too. OMG!!! I bet he felt very upset that I keep on attacking and putting off his ideas. I am so baddd...

Hence, its reflection time. I think I should starting exercising the use of passive language to lessen the impact of my authoritative and negative style of communicating with others. Obviously from these incidents, you can guess that my AB114 and AB214 is quite chui because I cannot deliver a message with the "YOU" attitude. I am so "I" centered! OMG!!! I am self centred. Okie... so I need to learn.

Meanwhile, I am still freaking out becuase sat is the taxation quiz. And somehow, it just seem that the rules are neverending and you study one and you forget the other. OMG! OKie... Time to sleep... wake up tml to study again. =] Jiayou to me...

I woke up at 530am, took 1 hour plus to travel to school. Went to class for a 30 minutes board meeting discussion and left the school !!! OMG!!! I shouldn't have gone to school. Both me and guiying were a little grumpy for coming to school for such a short while. Hahaha... We took bus out to boon lay together. Haha... We talked about our interest. Singing!!! I miss singing... I haven't sang for quite some time. I bet my voice sucks now with alot of nasal voice and no chest voice making it sound sharp and squeaky with no depth. Oh man... =[ I shall go ktv soon after all my quizzes.

School starts again!!! Haha... As usual, all were lost in the 202 discussion. 214 was alright and the tutor treated us to famous amos cookies. Haha... 203 was another case of lost in the discussion. Hahaha...

I had a great deal of sleep in school today... I went to the nbs student lounge to sleep during my 4 hours break because I was just plain tired. Haha... There were lots of people in the lounge... And there are only guys inside everytime I go there.... Haha... Its like a mens club... girls restricted. Haha... Alll perky after the nap... I snapped my chirpy expression. Hahahaha... Tada... Turning into a narcissitic camwhorer...
Oh today my hair isn't messy. Hahaha... It just fall in place naturally... =] Alright... although I had a great deal of sleep in school.... I am still going to sleep early today. Haha... I hope tml will be a sunnnnnyyyy daaayyyy! =]

I went shopping with Abner yesterday in town and realised how expensive mens business wear can get!!! Oh man... I just got my cash back and I am abit reluctnat to spend that amount on all these... Haiz.... There was a major Pedro sales... One nice leather shoe made of pig's skin is only like 87bucks!! But I tried to resist the temptation to impulse buy just because its cheap. I do need a pair of more professional leather shoes but I don't know whether I should just buy.

Board meeting discussion went well today. =]

Didn't do much today. Slack around... Haha... I suddenly forgot what I wanted to blog about. Haha...

I got a big lump on my nose... I don't know why its there... Suddenly you wake up in the morning and see it there. Omg... it don't resemble a pimple... Okie... Vain... Hopefully it will suddenly disappear when I wake up tml. Haha...

Lalala... I am in hot soup but I am in a relaxed and chirpy mood. Hot soup cos I got two quiz coming up but i only studied for one... the other one never touch. Relaxed and chirpy mood because tml is saturday!! The weekend is here again... weee.... means end of recess week... boo~

Haha... i got zero photos to post... all words for you all. Hahaha... Thats all time to sleep...